SUNRISE SYMPHONY

mountains hum a walking bass

trees harmonize with clouds

Sol's soprano soars on seagulls' wings

unchained melodies

dancing to the backbeat of the ocean

Defending my Vision of God

I've been too busy defending my vision of God
to listen to anyone else.
Am I really still that insecure?

ABBA: No, you're not. It's just a bad habit.

ME: I tell others over and over again,
"Listen with your heart."
Does that mean, under the varnish,
"Become like me"?

ABBA: You imagine unity means
that people will eventually agree with you.
They imagine the same thing.

ME: What's underneath that
is my fear of losing You.

ABBA: You can't lose Me
any more than you can lose your soul.

ME: It feels like Your existence depends
on my ability to perceive You.

ABBA: That's the root of all bad theology.

ME: I thought I was so tolerant!

ABBA: Anything but.
You are the ultimate bigot,
holier-than-thou.

ME: Because I'm afraid of becoming like "them".
I don't even know who "they" are.

ABBA: Do you honestly think
I would let that happen to you,
my precious child?

ME: So -- I don't think you are
an abusive parent, just a neglectful one.
Someone who will get distracted
with some intergalactic event
and leave me to fend on my own.
Please forgive me --
I want to repent,
but right now I feel too scared.

Nexus

Broken dreams –
bits of rubbish
sharp underfoot,
dried blood,
bruises that won’t heal.

Can tears ease the pain?
Can the dead ever rise?

Dare I venture
on a new path
uncluttered by
detritus from the past?

Dare I believe
that my next dream
will unfurl in loveliness
like butterflies’ wings?

All I Need

ABBA: People are not property.

ME: I know that.
But I keep acting as if they were.
If they are property, I am responsible.

ABBA: They are not.
Let go.

ME: The illusion of responsibility gives me
the illusion of importance.
If they need me,
I don't have to worry about
not being wanted.

ABBA: I want you.

ME: And You have me --
although I keep second-guessing,
trying to figure out if I can hang on long enough.

ABBA: I am always with you,
whether you hang on to me or not.

ME: If we're all -- in those billions of galaxies --
equally important,
my share of the pie
must be very small indeed,
just a molecule or two.

ABBA: A single sub-atomic particle is all you need.
Even the tiniest piece of Me comprises all of Me.

ME: Oh! Like communion?

ABBA: Sort of.
Communion is a sign.
My presence in you is real and complete.
If I will it, I can sustain you
without food or water or even air to breathe.

ME: And if You fail to sustain me,
all the food and water and air in the world
will not keep me alive for a single minute.
That's scary.
How can I trust someone with that much power?

ABBA: That's what the salvation frenzy is all about --
people trying to feel less helpless.

Passport to the Unknown

ME: What is faith?

ABBA: Evidence. Evidence of things unseen.

ME: Forensically, evidence points
in a certain direction,
or away from a certain direction.
Not all of it is compelling or conclusive.

ABBA: If you think faith is a passport to certainty,
you're sadly mistaken.

ME: But that's what we want.
When we are uncertain, we are afraid.
We imagine the worst outcome
rather than deal with not knowing.
At least, that's what I do.

ABBA: Waste of time.

ME: Back to Square 1.
What is faith?

ABBA: You tell me.